Speak up you Idiot!!

The idiot could not speak. Big problem he had. It's not that he did not have a fully functional tongue. If anything, it worked overtime. So why the fuss about speaking? Because he could not speak when he should. Afterall, he was (is will fit in perfectly too, but let it be...)an idiot. Because he did not speak people assumed that he has nothing to say. The idiot did not like this fact. He almost hated the fact. So why did he not speak?

Because he was a fattu. The idiot did not want things to change. He wanted everything to be as it is. All the good things at least. But then things changed, and they did not change for good always. He was selfish. We may say he was a selfish idiot. he always wanted to be good. Here is something straight from the horse's mouth, " If you want to be good to everyone, you generally come across to be bad for everyone." That is what people think. That is what the idiot was thought of as. If you just give a deep thought to it, he was probably bad too. bad things come across as bad and good things come across as good. Truth prevails, as they say! So the problem was that the idiot did not speak. Was it the only problem? To qoute the idiot himself, it was not the problem even. He says that he did speak.

His words were crytic. To him they were not, but to others they were. They were simple words. People found them simple too. People understood all those words. Some of them did not as the words were cryptic. The next one is a guess, no one knows for sure. The ones who knew the idiot shouldn't have found the words very cryptic as they knew all the passwords. But cryptic things remain cryptic. They too chose to believe in what everyone else believed. So bottomline is, either he spoke a tough language, or it was made tough. Do i sound biased towards the idiot? That is probably because I am.

That brings us to the end of this discussion. One question remains unaswered: is it important to speak?

The idiot will never know because he never spoke.

The Idiot Gets a Girlfriend

Let me write this piece of autobiography more like a sales letter. So what sells? Talk about girlfriends does, for starters! If some "Ts" like Chetan Bhagat can sell a million copies exploiting the weakness of the male mind for fun and girls, why not me!! So here is the story:

BTW, what’s a T? I know you want to ask. Its high time you reduced your expectations from me. I wont tell you a lot of things and leave you hanging and scratching your head. Moreover, you won’t understand. Further, I don’t want to take the pains to make you understand. You can replace T with a word of your choice. Till then, T is for “talented” (irony intended in case you are a sorry soul who is a fan of Mr. Bhagat). So did the idiot have a girlfriend? Or is it irony again?

You bet he had, and a hot one at that. One who was the ‘talk of the town’. Those were the funny old days when talk of the town used to be individuals and not restaurants. I am bored of being original now so let me throw in some clichés (after all you are probably not used to reading a lot of original stuff): those were also the days when gay meant merriment and the posh residential area in London used to be the home ground for Arsenal football club. Talking of Arsenal, the guy Thierry Henry was some goalscorer but they have lost it now. Back to the idiot please! The idiot preferred Chelsea. Primarily because blue is a nice color. Or at least that is what he thought. I always have a funny feeling whenever it think about colors. What if all the colors were blue? Exactly the same shade of blue? Even the shadows were blue? I wouldn't have liked living in such a world.

So back to the schooldays of our beloved idiot. 11^th grade to be precise. The idiot went for Chemistry tuition. That he went for tuition for Physics, Biology and Mathematics isn’t relevant in here. That he failed consistently in all of these all year isn’t relevant either. Bottom-line is he went for Chemistry tuition and this is where the story about the girlfriend starts. So the girlfriend in waiting was with him on the tuition? I thought you will guess it! I never doubted your IQ, or the lack of it! She wasn’t with him. No, she wasn’t.

Before I finish, I would like to share the feedback about the idiot’s first chapter given to me by someone.

Idiot 2: slightly disagree

Idiot: about what?

Idiot 2 : So why was I born? Because my sisters were my sisters! If they were my brothers I would have been non-existent. It becomes relevant to ask that if my sisters were not my sisters then I would have been non-existent and they wouldn't have been "my" brothers.

Idiot: what’s the disagreement?

Idiot 2: you have a younger brother despite your existence.

Idiot: dude!

What if I had 3 elder brothers? Because of 3 sisters, they needed 2 brothers to compensate!

Idiot 2: Ratio n proportion was definitely not the concept in his mind

3:2 or something of that sort.

Just 1 khandan ka chirag was sufficient.

Idiot: Just say its "well written" and your feedback is complete. And btw, I turned out to be a non-chirag

Idiot 2: No. A chirag but whose illuminating batti is not seen to the worldly people.

Idiot: Yeah

I emit infra red light.

Dogs see it (I am not sure but how will a fellow idiot know)

And you see it too.

Dont read between the lines!

So what about the idiot’s girlfriend? Did you really believe he had one? You did not!!

Right? You did not!

And again, you are wrong. He did have one. But you think he had one so easily? You did not!

Just that this time, you are right. You do have an IQ above 70. Thanks for reading!!

Autobiography of an idiot!

I want to write about myself. How do i start? I wasn't born on the stroke of midnight on 15th August 1947. The phrase of being born at an early age has already been used. So here is the very normal beginning to an extraordinary life:

I was born on some date which will not be of any particular importance till I become famous. I being famous is one inevitability of our times so it is just a matter of time before you know my birth date. Before we talk about my life, let us talk about the ones preceding me. That will mean my ancestors and if we go by the definition, even my parents qualify.

So why was I born? Because my sisters were my sisters! If they were my brothers I would have been non-existent. It becomes relevant to ask that if my sisters were not my sisters then I would have been non-existent and they wouldn't have been "my" brothers. A life as simple as mine can become painstakingly difficult to understand if we over-analyze. When you read me, please don't forget to leave your mind back home in deep freeze. To cut a long story short (which happens to be a very over-used and popular phrase. But then, that is how i intend my autobiography to be: extremely popular but simple to understand), thanks to the optimism and perseverance of my parents and grandparents I was finally born!

And the rest, as they say, was idiotic.

the days that went by...the days that i seen
the things that are..the things that could have been
and i think of you...
i think if you but which you i think of? thousand faces you had
u were the guiding light...u were the shining star..u were the good ugly and bad
but think about you i do without fail...everyday every time every passing bit of time
i know u are lost, gone for good...but i also know you are mine
i have frozen a moment of you... the moment , that moment....can anyone steal?
ur presence , ur essence, your warmth is mine to feel
i stopped you not , do i regret i stopped you not?
i wonder if this thought in your solitude you have thought
can i answer your question? i can but i don't want to
if you come come and go again...again i wont stop you...