Traffic Light

Traffic in all of India is a pain at the wrong places but of all the places i have been to, Pune is the worst. There is blatant, almost carefree, disregard for traffic rules in the town. Among other trivial things like no helmets and seat band being reduced to a plaything for children, is the most annoying habit of people in the town: for them ten seconds mean nothing. As soon as the countdown on the signal reaches 10 (the light is still glaringly red, mind you), people start moving. To make things more interesting, they just don't move a feet or two like you see in Delhi, they go full throttle!

If you are a driver, you are left to chose between following the mob or facing the possibility of being at the back of all those vehicles not to mention the morons who honk behind you. I have tried hard to follow my conscious and i succeed most of the time. However, the moron behind me refuses to stop honking. Always.

So here I was, at one of the busy squares of the town, on my motorcycle (yeah the tiny winy thing that's about 1.5 feet broad), standing on a red light. Sadly, I was at the very front and the countdown reached 10 seconds and as usual, the people around me started moving. Once again i resisted moving (its actually easier to negotiate the traffic when you are on a motorcycle; it's a different story when you are in your car. Anyway, so i did not move and you all know what happened next: the idiot behind me started honking. I did not look back and promptly was on my way when the light turned green. After about 30 seconds delay a Mercedes came along side me and a very angry guy (and disgusted like Holyfield was when Tyson bit his ear) was trying to say something.

I did not get what he said. so he zipped passed me and signaled me to stop. I thought of not agonizing the already agonized man who, by the way, had an absolute hottie sitting beside him and stopped. I waited for him as he swung open his door a la James Bond and came out (the Mercedes E class in Pune is treated no less than the Aston Martin of the British spy). Catwoman came out of the other door and followed her guy. They stopped at me and the guy said something which i wasn't able to understand due to limited knowledge of regional dialect. I asked him to repeat in Hindi. Here is the transcript of out speech:

James Bond: traffic signal pe kya akr rahe the?

me: matlab?

JB (changing tone): abe chal kyo nahi raha tha jab main horn baja raha tha. Main pagal hu kya jo tabse honk kar raha hu.

me: bhaisab mujhe nahi pata aap pagal ho ki nahi. mujhe ye bhi nahi pata ki aap light green hone se pehle horn kyo baja rahe the.

JB: baki log chal rahe the dikh nahi rahe the kya?

me: they were moving in red light. i don't. They are idiots i am not (JB in his mind: hahaha so he thinks hez not an idiot)

JB looking at Catwoman now and adressing her in Angrezi that is): I pity these guys. It is probably his first day on a motorbike haha so he is mr. trafficl follower.

CW: gives a smile of appreciation to her beau

JB to me now still in Angrezi: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah (off course his blah had the signature sentence for all losers "you don't know who i am") blah blah blah blah.

I kept quite. i thought maybe he his trying to impress his chick ( by the way she was smiling she was sure impressed (again, my condolences to modesty and intelligence). Because i was quite (in fact, i was busy noticing CW. She looked like the dumb blondes who date footballers for their money) he continued his ranting. Suddenly, i realized it's been long and he is crossing some serious lines (its fancy to say so, i did not actually remember what he said)..

me: Bhaisab chup ho jaiye

JB: blah blah blah blah

CW: JB lets go. leave it

JB: leave it? blah blah blah blah

me: shut the fuck up now

JB (with all the sarcasm he could gather. and he could gather a lot of it or he has seen a lot of movies): Shut up? :O ohh my god, i am so afraid :O

me: You are already afriad? I haven't even told you that I am gay and i love you.

CW, for some reason known to dumb blondes who date footballers, started laughing.

JB: what?

me: I am gay and i make violent love.

JB did not say a thing for a second, when he wanted to talk again CW pulled him and they sat in the car. Once inside he said something i did not hear. I started my motorcycle.

After approximately 30 seconds a Mercedes zipped passed me. There was no signal to stop this time. I had a nice story to tell.

PS: forgive me for oscillating between the tenses in situations. Don't forgive me? Remember i am gay? Yeah. That's better.

Sportsmen?

"Everyone favors the underdog" goes and adage. Apparently, in fact most definitely it is not true. So i sit and wonder why have i always liked the favorite? Do i take refuge in the fact that my the guy whom i support won more time than losing? Let us talk sport!

I would like to think that it is because i like perfection and the champion is closer to perfection than others. The kind of players that i have liked over the years (Roger, Sachin, Alonso, Shevchenko etc..) have all been the best of their era. However, there are may champs that i dont like ( Agassi, Hamilton, Ponting, etc.). To be honest, i hate these guys.

I for once tried being a freakonomics style nerd and look for the connection. Suddenly i knew it was obvious. I like ed a champion who was also a good sportsperson. The same thing separates Roger Federer from Andre Agassi which separates Tendulkar from Ponting: the former in both cases are sportsmen who never forgot the spirit of the sport. The latter fell to controversy and made a lot of uncalled for and distasteful remarks over their careers.

But then i like a certain Michael Schumacher and a certain Diego Maradona too. Perhaps some people have too much charisma to be ignored.